how can i sleep now that i know you are out there? how can i eat
how can i love anything ever again as much as i loved you, so purely and selflessly, with all my heart i am yours forever and it hurts so much, remembering your smile remembering your touch your voice your hair. i cant breath if i hear your name and its not heartbreak. its not two lovers that didnt work out, its not insecurity its not loneliness its deeper. what we had was deeper than a connection, it was more pure than love. it was a memory from my youth, it was sunlight coming through the trees it was all the stars in the sky it was something inside of me that isnt inside of me at all. not in my heart not in my brain, not in my body it was in the air around us it was in the silence between your words, those nights you slept in my arms i was more at home than i ever was. those days i spent tangling your hair and counting your freckles are the only days i will remember when im old and gray and cant remember my name or find my house. when i think of you it fills me with pain to know that you are in the past and i cant reach you if you are there. i cannot go into the past because i was born only as a mortal man. our love is in the past but i will carry it with me forever and never replace it, never forget it, never betray it. it meant more to me than i ever meant to myself. people use words like toxic and unhealthy but i would rather die intoxicated by you than to live sipping this tasteless life that you have left me in. i no longer see stars nor hear the beat of my heart. my soul has been ripped irreparably and i do not want to attempt to stitch it, because i know that if i do that scar would be a reminder of my cowardice and my failure
